Death Star Text Exchange

[Imperial Technicians recently provided this transcript of a secret, coded Rebel transmission.]

 

[Apparently, it’s an exchange between old sarge and his work colleague, MW, fellow Star Wars fans and ‘Rebel scum’...]

Hi MW, are you in the office or do you have the RAS fob to hand, fella?

[Editor’s note:  in an ensuing telephone call, it turned out MW was leaving the office in 20 mins for a galaxy, far, far away, and it was then a race against time for old sarge to get connected to the customer system before MW left the secret Rebel base on the moon orbiting Yavin 4 for the day...]

Just a couple more minutes...Death Star approaching... 😜

MW:  LOL

Starting Death Star trench run, Red 13 going in...

MW:  😆😆😆😆😆

What's this on the NavComputer...must update McAfee before torpedo launch can be initiated...WTF!?

Do I need to get out and THROW them?? 😡😜

MW:  Use The Force

Who said that? Some Auld guy in a duffle coat last seen on a talking bear?!

Too much Ready Brek for you Auld Yin, you're shimmering!

 

What's that R2, some guy with fancy PPE on in a wonky looking TIE fighter is coming up fast from behind?

Deploy the Anal Shield.

MW:  😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

[Later, in The Cantina, a still ‘amped up from the battle’ Matt is having a lager with his colleague Ats...]

 

[…and yes, The Band is still playing THAT song again, and again, and again, and again…]

 

‘FFS, mate, narrowly avoided being blown out the sky by some handsome prick and his walking carpet in a flying bin lid, they somehow used some 'manoeuvres' to get the guy in the PPE off my tail, so I park the X-Wing by the exhaust port and I gets out and rams that torpedo where the sun don't fucking shine, know what I mean?’

‘I turns around and some cunt in a white suit, funny looking PPE too, has ticketed me so I lamps the cunt and leave him sparko in the trench, serves the fucker right, giving out fucking tickets in the middle of a space battle, what's that all about?’

‘I gives the torpedo one last kick for good luck, jumps in the X-Wing and I'm out of there sharpish.’

‘Then that no-mark farm boy cunt with no hair on his balls Skywalker comes along, blows the fucking gaff up with MY torpedo and takes all the fucking credit!’

[Big slurp of lager.]

‘That Princess is a bit of all right though, I'd give her one, no fucking mistake.’

‘Yeah, another drink for me mate, same again. Cheers!’

MW:  Lolololololololol you have a talent that the world needs to see 😆👍🏻💪🏻🍺🍺